It's a good thing...

Because Facebook satisfies so much of my need to stay in touch with people without having to spend too much time and energy, I've neglected this blog for what seems like an eternity. And in doing so, maybe I've neglected myself...I keep telling myself to journal, to write down all that is my incredible life, so that I have something to spark the memories when I'm old and frail. And also so that one day, my kids will know ME. But I never do.

I also think that, certainly in terms of this blog, it's been hard for me to share all that has been going on over the past nine months. I'm usually a very private person, much more content to listen to other people share their most intimate details. It's hard to say that you are not going to be married any longer to someone you've been with since you were 19 years old (that's 23 years, more than half my life!). And it's hard for people to understand that you are parting on good terms - that this person is your best friend and you are connected through your kids and your friendship for life. And even harder to say what comes next when people ask, "But why?!?" and you say, "Because I fell in love with someone and in doing so, found myself. And that's because the other person is a woman."

One of my earliest memories is from when I was four years old, spending my days at Bon Petit Nursery in Maryland. I knew, without a doubt, that I was equally in love with two people; Todd, who at five was an older man and in kindergarten, and Sherry, who was a four year old dynamo in white gogo boots. But as you get older, society and parental expectations take over...and in my case, I was also lucky enough to find the man I wanted to have as the father of my children. But there was still a part of me that dug what came in white gogo boots...it was just buried, laying dormant. Until Becky.

With Becky, I have found my perfect match. She is masculine, feminine, stoic, emotional, caring, independent, hysterically funny, always engaging, and as a fellow Gemini, never boring. For the first time in my life, I do not feel like I have to be in charge...that if I don't do it, it won't get done. I feel safe enough to be emotionally vulnerable, a feeling that is new and crazy and wonderful. And having finally achieved this state in a relationship, I'm free to be authentic and feminine and loving in ALL my relationships - with my children, with Nigel, with my parents.

So yes, there have been changes in the past nine months, some more painful, some more rewarding. And one blog entry certainly doesn't cover it all...but it's a start. Just know that the end result, a result which is dynamic and blossoming, is one of happiness and acceptance and love...for my partner, my children, my extended family, my friends. And that, as Martha says, is a good thing.

Cayla and her buddy Delainey begged me to take them down to the House of Blues on Sunday night for a show with several of their favorite bands. It was an all-age gig, which meant that the fans were basically 13-17 years old. Oy gevalt. And the noise. Over four hours of noise. I sat on some concrete stairs, watching all the 80's fashions skipping excitedly past me, and trading magazines with other mothers and parents who were forced into chaperoning their hip offspring. It was all worth it though, when afterwards Cayla thanked me and told me I was cool... :-)

Halloween 2008...at the Edison in Hollywood. I'm a Naughty Fairy...and the two Dapper Gents are Tim and Gabriel. I work with Gabriel at Yahoo - he's one of about 4-5 friends at work who I'm hoping I'll keep for life, they are that special. He and Tim have been together for eons...which reminds me, Vote No on 8!!!

There were lots of great costumes at the event, but even funnier was Becky as Mormon Missionary Boy, complete with helmet, black tie, and backpack. She even had one guy come up to her and ask her if she was the real deal. Umm...no. We got the idea for the outfit the night before when we met up with Dylan and other folks from Yahoo...two "Mormons" walked into the Saloon in downtown Encinitas and I seriously thought they were in the bar to spread the word. Doh! They had just come from an early Halloween party...which also explains all the guys dressed like Hooter Girls. Or, then again, maybe nothing can really explain that...

The Gatorade Incident

So Carol K. "Lucky" asked me tonight about the Gatorade Incident. If there was ever a time when I wished a camera was on me to record my idiocy so that I could relive it later, this was it.

We had left Sedona AZ after a great lunch at a Mexican restaurant called Oaxaca. Upstairs seating on the open patio with gorgeous view of the mountains - perfect. Anyway, it's frigging hot (seems to be the theme for this ride, except for the one day we were riding alongside snow and ice 11,000 feet up in the Colorado mountains!) and I had filled my camelback with yummy orange gatorade. Safety First - Hydrate!!

Keep in mind that up to this point, I'm riding along, feeling powerful and sexy - in my leather cruising the desert highway. Becky is back with me, and Renee and Colleen are up ahead.

About 20 mins into the ride I decide it's time to take a sip - and realize that the nozzle is stuck in the strap under my arm. So I fiddle with it for a bit, and finally get impatient and give it a good yank. And that is when all hell breaks loose.

With that tug, the nozzle pops off of the hose, and suddenly I have a firehose squirting all over me, the bike, my windshield, even Becky's bike behind me. I cannot for the life of me catch the damn hose, so it sprays like a demented sea monster spewing orange gatorade. It is so ludicrous that I lose it, leaning over my gas tank laughing hysterically. And it's a good thing I ducked like that - for it gets worse.

Apparently from the sky, my out of control camelback hose must have looked like some sort of exotic worm - because all of a sudden I was divebombed by a bird. Yes, a frigging bird. It swooped down and changed its mind at the last possible moment, but the damage was done. I was now screaming with laughter, and managed to pull off to the side of the road so that I wouldn't wet my pants.

Becky pulled off after me and was laughing too, but I don't think even she realized how funny I found it all - you see, I have a history of working myself into a moment - sort of like my own cool music video - and then something happens that brings me back to reality. Like the time I went to a business meeting at a posh hotel in San Diego, wearing a new suit that I thought was pretty hip. I made it through the event, doing quite well, and then said my goodbyes. It wasn't till I was walking back down the hallway and caught my reflection in a mirrored door that I realized that my pant legs had static clinged their way up to just below my knees. I looked like frigging Captain Hook.

Or the time I was feeling especially sassy in a new dress, high heels, and nylons, and had stopped quickly into a Hallmark store to pick up a birthday card for a colleague. I pranced in there (that's what you do when you're 23), and was choosing a card as quickly as possible because I HAD THINGS TO DO AND I WAS SASSY. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I whipped around, expecting to rebuff some man in heat. Instead it was a nice motherly woman, who leaned forward and whispered, "Dear, you've tucked the entire back of your dress into your nylons." And so I had. As neatly as if I were folding a diaper.

Or...and I know that the Sol Sisters would call me on it if I neglected to mention it - there was the incident that won me the Spoon at one of our monthly meetings. Once again, I was wrapped up in how cool I must have looked pulling up to a chopper shop in SD - and then ruined it all by completely forgetting how to get off my bike, instead launching myself into a tuck and roll in the parking lot. Given the fact that I was also wearing my "Elvis" white and silver leather pants, you can imagine that I was hard to miss. As my son Noah says, "Mom, you're reeaallll smooth."

So that's what the Gatorade Incident meant to me, and why it cracked me up. Just when I think I'm ALL THAT, something happens to remind me that I'm really a dork. And that, my friends, is alright with me.

Whaassup! Sporting the latest in GATORADE GEAR

My roomie

This blog is jumping all over the place. It is what it is. That's what happens when you blog at 1am.

My roommate for the trip was Becky, a firefighter out in the desert. She's only 33, which is why her club nickname is Baby, and she's been with her beloved Carly for about 4 years now - which means that she called home every day while poor Nigel was lucky to hear from my ass every 4-5 days.

I mentioned before that she was a good fit for me, and not just because she's another Gemini. It's because she's a dork. :-)

(Colorado River, after crossing the state line from AZ to CA...the final day)

I lost my good friend Scott Orsan on June 1st, and unbelievably her sense of humor sparked the same sort of gutbusting laughter that Scott and I used to share. So it was healing for me in a way to be around her. I am a lucky woman to have had so many incredible friendships -- Becky is definitely one of those friends and I'm so glad that she was there with me on this amazing journey.

Listening to...

Gonna hitch a ride
Head for the other side
Leave it all behind
Never change my mind
Gonna sail away
Sun lights another day
Freedom on my mind
Carry me away for the last time
--Boston "Hitch a Ride"

Don't look back
A new day is breakin'
It's been too long since I felt this way
I don't mind where I get taken
The road is callin'
Today is the day
--Boston "Don't Look Back"

Globe AZ - Night ONE

Okay, on with the ride report!



Globe AZ was where we spent our first night. After a laborious trip out there, stopping and starting because of heat exhaustion, we made it to Casa Grande and the smiling faces of the Desert Diamonds - the Phoenix chapter of WITW. They met us behind a carwash - which sounds wacky but guess what - they chose the one place I can think of that had a huge sink we could dunk our heads in. That my friends, is brilliance. We chatted, cooled down, and then set off behind them for Globe. Thank goodness they were leading - I was so tapped out by that time, I just wanted a shower and a hotel bed. Not necessarily in that order. Riding in high temperatures just messes with you! We pulled in to the Days Inn by around 9 or so I think, and then had to figure out where to get dinner in such a small town. The DDs threw us into the back of their massive pickup trucks and carted our tired and dirty asses over to the Country Kitchen or something like that, where our arrival thrilled the "I wanna be a biker too" young waitress, but disturbed the stoned and befuddled night manager. I don't even remember what I ate, I was that wiped. I just remember calling home and telling Nigel, "It was f*&ing hot, I made it, I can't believe I'm here...oh, and did I mention it was f*&ing hot??!"



You know, I should mention the most amazing thing that happened earlier that day. We were in Dateland, eating lunch and laughing about nothing and everything. Up came a woman, who introduced herself and told us that she really admired us. Turns out that she used to ride, but was t-boned last fall. They didn't think she'd walk or talk, much less live, but here she was, chatting with us as if nothing had ever happened. Then her husband Bernie came up, and it turns out his dad was a musician and used to know Elvis. Bernie and Lynette "Rockabilly" had a moment reminiscing about all the music - I think that connection was one of the high points for her. You know, I didn't really know Lynette until this trip. I mean, I knew that she was nice, and a technical writer, and she rode a rockin red bike, but I didn't really know the essence of her. As it turns out, she was the sunshine on the trip for me. She was independent, focused, and yet willing to go with the flow. I have this vision of her sitting in some random fast food joint, eating a burger like it was the best thing in the world, swinging her leg and chilling like a happy 8 year old. And her pride in showing off the beauty of Oklahoma's countryside, and hearing her say, "I love my peeps" after spending time with Skatin' Kate and Jack at the roadside waterpipe...well that defined "Heartland" for me.



Rockabilly in Colorado
(Rockabilly sandbagging us at poker)

Bernie and his wife Betsy, after chatting with us for awhile at the Dateland cafe, surprised us by asking if they could contribute to our ride. I explained that we had collected toys and clothing etc. for the kids at the Presley Place homeless shelter, but we were also collecting cash for a donation straight to the center. He pulled out his checkbook, and bless his heart, said, "Will $100 help out?" Would it ever! Because of his donation, we contributed nearly $600 to the center - who will put it to good use I'm sure.

So despite the arduous ride through the hellish heat of the desert, we ended on a good note: $100 in the till for the shelter, and hanging with our sisters the Desert Diamonds in fab Globe AZ!

Now that it's over...where to begin?

So I had all these plans to blog from the road - which didn't happen because we were riding all day (and sometimes into the night, at one point pulling into Flagstaff AZ the night of July 3rd at midnight). That was not fun...riding thru the desert, scanning the road for deer or other critters, and trying to avoid staring into the headlights of big rigs as they barreled down the road toward you. Anita and I have auxiliary lights, so we fired those up and then tag-teamed the lead, sort of like Rudolph bringing the sled in safely. Everyone was exhausted that night - I think that was the night that Becky and Colleen managed to stay awake by singing "9 to 5" and other goofball songs as loudly as possible. I love those girls. But I digress.

I never did blog from the road because I guess I was too busy living it to sit down and write about it. Now, of course, I wish I had - because so much of the trip is now a "feeling" instead of facts and figures. So I guess I'll start with the feelings, and add in the ride report details as I go along. So....where to begin? Let's start at the end...

I guess in a way this trip changed me, or maybe a better way to put it is that this trip made me more of who I am. I have never been part of a big family or joined a sorority, so to live, eat, and sleep with a dozen women for such a long period of time was both wonderful and challenging. As much as I love connecting with people, the very core of me is a loner - and I crave quiet and solitude in order to replenish myself to head back out into the world. Luckily I had the best roommate in the world for this trip: Becky. I don't think we ever had the TV on at night - we came in, unpacked, and then laughed about the ride, sharing observations etc., until...quiet. And I could read and chill out and think about how frigging lucky I was to be where I was. And that worked for the first week...but then remember the part about becoming more of who I really was? Well, that kicked in after week one. As much as I loved being with this group of amazing, intelligent, hysterically funny, kind and loving women - I was feeling like I wanted a different kind of ride. Instead of the group consciousness...I wanted more "me" consciousness. I had thought about it for a day or two, and when I heard that one or more of the girls might break off and head straight to Laughlin, I thought, "Okay, great, now I have permission to share my feeling to ride either solo or with a smaller group, and stop at every single thing that catches my eye without feeling guilty for holding up the group." And so I did.

But it's so very hard for me to speak up like that when all I want to do is make sure that everyone is happy. I can be bossy as all hell when I'm running other people's lives (that's what happens when you plan events for a living), but when it comes to piping up with a need of my own vs. that of the group? Yikes. So when I did speak up, at that dang IHOP in Enid Oklahoma, I think it may have come out wrong. Because it must have seemed to my dearest friends that I didn't want them around me because I didn't love them as madly as I do...and for that, I'm really truly sorry. It breaks my heart to think that I have hurt someone's feelings - especially one person in particular who I think is one of the coolest women I've met. So as much as the ride for me after that point became everything my heart wanted it to be, it was bittersweet, because I think now that I could have handled it differently. I was just so churned up with the noise in my head and heart that I didn't hear anything beyond my need to escape. Sigh.

So I guess that's the feeling part of the ride report. The journey was incredible, empowering, exhilarating, liberating, joyful, chaotic, and yet tinged with sadness that I was the reason that we all didn't cross the finish line together. But all along, as I told my friend Hal, I knew that for once - WHO I was and WHERE I was was RIGHT. I had reached my profound sense of being, rocking it on the byways of America on a motorcycle.

Day One: Destination Globe Arizona

Woke up bright and early with only 2 hours of sleep under my belt - hurriedly packed the bike and hoped I wasn't forgetting anything important like gas cylinders or underwear. By 6am I was set - hugged and kissed Noah and then rode in front of Nigel and Cayla as they followed me down to the McDonald's off of Aero Drive and I-15, where we'd meet everyone before heading over to the KUSI-TV station at 6:45. The whole way down I was thinking, I can't believe I'm really doing this - that the day is finally here after six months of planning...am I insane, am I a bad mother or am I showing my children that it's okay to grab life and live each day to the fullest? It's only 15 days - but when you're on the morning of day one, that seems like a lifetime (and all unknown!). But I guess that's what life is, at any rate...you just prepare yourself, set out, and hope for the best.

Here's the video from KUSI-TV! http://www.kusi.com/news/goodmorning/20627639.html

By the time we finally left the station, it was after 8am, and the temperature was already rising. When we got past SDSU - it was up to 88 degrees, and I was glad that I had cold water/Gatorade in my camelback (a backpack that holds about a liter of liquid, which has a tube that I can use to drink from as I'm riding). We were heading straight out on I-8, which as you can imagine, got hotter and hotter and hotter the further east we went. By Dateland, it was 121, and I had been riding with my full-face helmet fully closed with the faceshield down, because opening it felt like someone was blasting a hair dryer straight at my face. At Dateland, which consists of a gas station, a gift shop, and a restaurant, we stopped for lunch, and were excited because it was a classic diner with malts and burgers - lots of locals escaping the heat, and the friendliest staff you'll ever hope to find. Charna (sp?) was the woman in charge, and she gave us a bucket of ice water to soak our coolvests in while we were eating - AND let us park our bikes up on the sidewalk under the eaves so that we'd have some shade. http://www.dateland.com/ If you're ever out that way - stop by...the food is delicious, the folks great, and the AC cranks. What more can you ask for!

Coming next post (day one cont.)...
Heat exhaustion, random $100 donation, Desert Diamonds in Casa Grande, and finally...Globe!

She's baaa-aack!

Hey from Rolla Missouri!
It's been a whirlwind of a ride over the past week - and usually I pulled in too tired to think much less to type away on a computer. So let me begin in order...with postings to reflect that!

The day has finally come!

It's 5:15am and I've been up for an hour already - loading the luggage onto the bike, getting dressed, trying to remember if I've forgotten anything, and walking the fine line between excitement and panic.

The pack on the back of my bike sits on a little luggage rack and weighs a hefty 50 lbs. All my clothes fit - which is a good thing. I even brought an outfit for working out - which guarantees that I won't work out at all. Sorry, Todd the Trainer. Todd's been working with me for the past month getting me strong for the ride. A daunting task, but I do feel better!

Nigel has loaded the shirts and extra water in his truck - he and Cayla will follow me down and then stay to watch the live broadcast on KUSI Channel 9. We should have about 10 bikes or so meeting us down there - the broadcast should be live on the KUSI website by about noon our time. Look for it!

Okay, time to go and don the jacket and chaps. I can't believe that six months of planning has led to this moment...I'm pretty sure I'm ready...yeah...I am. :-)

Panic starting to set in...

Picked up the bike last Saturday and it runs great - so I ran out to Old Navy and bought 6 tank tops and a pair of shorts, and that's pretty much going to be my wardrobe for the two weeks. Thank goodness this ain't a beauty contest...Also put black Scotchlite pinstripe tape on my black hard bags, so now when headlights shine on them, I light up bright white. I'll post a picture soon on the bike with all the gear and luggage on it - I think I may actually have enough room for everything...and then whatever is left over I can always throw in the chase car, which is now following us the entire trip (not just to Memphis). Four days and counting!!!

Countdown begins!

We're in the final countdown for Graceland...yeehaw! I can't believe we're nearly there - so far I've done the following...

• tuned up the bike (2005 Yamaha V-Star 1100 Classic Silverado)
• installed a new stator (for increased electrical output)
• installed new Tsukayu hard bags (sold the leather ones on eBay for $325!)
• bought bike luggage from Nelson Rigg (the 900, big enough to hold all my makeup...ha!)
• bought a ventilated mesh jacket by TourMaster with full armor
• bought a new life insurance policy :-)
• been interviewed with all the Girlz of Graceland on KUSI-TV (you can see the interview on our website)

I think this may be the easiest way for folks to keep in touch with me during the 15-day ride (June 21 - July 5)...so bookmark this page and keep checking back for updates!

:-)Lilia
Journey to Graceland 2008 http://www.solsistersmc.com/events/graceland08/graceland08.html

My next big adventure

GIRLZ OF GRACELAND

THE RIDE
On June 21st, 10 women from San Diego will be firing up their motorcycles to make a 15-day trip through 12 states. Our main destination is Graceland and we plan to arrive on 6/25/08 for a 2-day stay. We will have a documentary filmmaker along for the ride, as this trip is about so much more than just getting to Graceland. It's about our journey as women, a celebration of why we ride, and an homage to the rebels of yesteryear who saw the open road as an escape, a challenge, and a friend. The documentary will be submitted to several film festivals in October 2008 for the 2009 season.

When we reach Memphis, we'll be stopping at Presley Place , a homeless shelter which is supported by Lisa Marie Presley and the Elvis Presley Foundation. While the dozens of parents at the shelter attend a Life Skills class, we'll hosting a "Biker Birthday Bash" for over 50 children - taking photos on the motorcycles, providing them with biker toys and helping them enjoy the monthly birthday party held at the center. The women in our group come from all walks of life: lesbian, straight, Republican, Democrat, Independant, married, single, mothers - but we are united in two things -- our pride as women, and the joy we get from being on two wheels with the wind in our face. It is a sisterhood...we are the Girlz of Graceland.

CHARITY
Presley Place is a 12-unit apartment property, one of several such properties or “campuses” that are part of the outstanding Estival Communities program created and managed by the Metropolitan Inter-faith Association (MIFA) in Memphis. The Elvis Presley Charitable Foundation's (EPFC) primary commitment has been to fund the building and operational costs of Presley Place. Also funded by the EPCF is the Elvis Presley Music Room, where the youngsters of Presley Place and all the other Estival campuses may enjoy access to musical instruments and instruction and participate in special related programs. Presley Place opened to its first residents in July 2001.

Many folks have asked how they might be able to contribute to our journey. While we’re at Presley Place, we plan to provide each child with special gifts from the Girlz of Graceland. If you’re interested, you can assist us by providing a monetary donation that will go toward the purchase of these gifts, which may include temporary “biker” tattoos, toy motorcycles, and/or stuffed “biker” animals! Please use the button below to provide your donation.Donations in excess of what is needed for purchasing these gifts will be presented separately as a monetary gift from the Girlz of Graceland supporters to Presley Place.Note that we are not a 501(c)(3) organization. So this donation will not be tax deductible, but it will contribute to providing smiles and fond memories to the Children of Presley Place. Thank you for your interest and support!

For more information or to help, please go tohttp://www.solsistersmc.com/events/graceland08/graceland08.htmlAnd to see how we're doing on the ride, keep checking this blog for updates!